IT'S NOT ABOUT THE DESTINATION; IT'S ABOUT THE JOURNEY

We are taught to plan ahead, make goals, dream big. But we need to be reminded to enjoy the present, and appreciate everything we already have all around us. Stop postponing granting yourself permission to be happy and enjoy life!

Someone once told me, "It's not about the destination. It's about the journey."

Have you heard that before? Either way, stop for a second, really think about what it means.

When I first heard that phrase, I paused, nodded agreeably. I understood the sentiment, but it never really sunk in. I thought, Sure, a fun road trip with your buds can be more fun than the cheap motel you stay at for a weekend getaway. It made total sense. In high school and college, I took road trips all the time with my best friends to all sorts of places: NJ shore for beach getaways, Mountain Creek for ski club, or out of state for Dave Matthews Band concerts, or music festivals like Bonaroo. We went so many places, did so many fun things, but by far, the most memorable parts were always the road trips. We played OutKast and Shaggy's album on repeat (you remember that song "It wasn't me"), sometimes mixing it up with a little Incubus and Limp Bizkit. We drove for hours, music blaring and we sang along to every word, we enjoyed every moment. We worried about nothing, we wanted to be nowhere else but exactly where we were; we were happy.

But now I understand the phrase in a much deeper sense. Don't get me wrong, I always understood "the journey" was a metaphor for our everyday life, or the present moment. I didn't think it was all about road trips and sing-a-longs. But up until recently, I just couldn't understand how it was possible to fully enjoy the present when we have so many goals we want to accomplish. Up until recently, the song that played on repeat in my head was "I'll be happy when..." And I didn't need to know the lyrics; I made up my own words to this sad song:

I'll be happy when I get this promotion...

I'll be happy when I have a dishwasher in my apartment... I'll be happy when I lose 10 lbs....

I'll be happy when we buy a house and stop renting...

I'll be happy when I have $X saved in the bank...

I'll be happy when we add another bathroom in our house (whoops! there goes that savings in the bank!) I'll be happy when we find a reliable babysitter to pick up the kids after school...

I'll be happy when I declutter and my house stays clean and tidy....(ha! fat chance at that)

This list could literally go on forever.

Up until recently, I felt like there was some magic equation to finding happiness in life. And no matter how many attempts I tried, I just couldn't solve the equation. Something was always missing. I was falling short in one way or another. I felt like I was constantly spinning my wheels, but I wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't getting to where I wanted to be. I was so focused on "the destination" that it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to appreciate "the journey."

But what was that fictitious "destination", this land of make believe I created for myself?

PERFECTION (ugghh....such an ugly word)

And what were those blinders I had up blocking my ability to enjoy the "journey"?

CONTROL (or wanting to control everything that life brings your way).

I literally thought I could control everything life threw at me and if I navigated everything successfully, voila! There's my perfect happy life I wanted. But when the big bad COVID rolled up claiming to be the new sheriff in town, closing businesses, taking people's jobs, and threatening everyone's health and wellness; well, that's when I had to throw my hands up and waive the white flag.

As an adult, this is the first real catastrophe I've faced, been affected by, and now have the challenge of trying to explain to my kids. Yes, I've lived through wars, and bombings and mass shootings. Yes, we've seen economic crashes before. But this is the first time I've been in a position where the floor has been ripped out below us and no one knows when any sense of normalcy will return. This is the first time no matter how hard I want to, I just CAN'T control the situation.

And you know what??? It's really nice to take time off from my part-time job of life-controller, and spend more time smelling the roses.

That's where memories are made. Those are the songs you'll sing for years and never forget the words. Those are the days you'll look back at with tears in your eyes and say, "That was one helluva journey, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

So thank you Uncle Mike, for your words of wisdom. Thank you for helping us understand the importance of the journey. RIP. We miss you and Aunt Shelly dearly. And thank you to all of you awesome people. We've met so many new friends since March. And we've grown closer with many of the friends and neighbors we already knew before the pandemic hit. For that, we know we are truly blessed. We've discovered the unique community surrounding us and we dove in head first. We know there is no magic equation that promises you a life of happiness; but if there is a secret ingredient, we know for sure it's all about COMMUNITY. Thank you for your bear-hug of acceptance and to each of you for being uniquely you!

Be well, Cromwell (and beyond)!

xoxo